Crime Inc

In an era when neon lights flickered with the promise of big hair and questionable fashion choices, “Crime Inc” by Martin Short emerges like a slightly tarnished coin tossed into a wishing well of dubious morals. A product of 1984, this literary excursion into the depths of criminality is less a serious examination of the criminal underbelly and more a cheeky jaunt down the avenues of absurdity, where the only thing more crooked than the characters is the spine of this well-loved tome.

The cover, a riotous explosion of colours that might induce mild eye fatigue, beckons you to step into a world where crime isn’t just a profession—it’s an art form, albeit one best left to the highly questionable. Imagine a universe where crooks and con artists gather not in dark alleyways but in coffee shops, debating the finer points of light-hearted larceny over flat whites. “Crime Inc” invites you to chuckle, grimace, and perhaps reevaluate your life choices as you ponder if crime really does pay—or just leaves you with a bad taste and a suspicious-looking briefcase.

Our author, Martin Short—no, not the chirpy comedian, but an equally engaging wordsmith—cobbles together a narrative that’s as unpredictable as a cat on a hot tin roof. You might find yourself questioning not just the actions of the characters, but your own sanity as they navigate a plot that could rival a game of Twister set in a circus tent. It’s almost like watching a train wreck, if that train were filled with inflatable clowns and an overabundance of glitter.

As you delve deeper into the pages, you may encounter an array of characters whose moral compasses are as reliable as a chocolate teapot. One might assume they’re the brainchild of a mad scientist who conducted a dubious experiment in an abandoned garage. From the bumbling henchman who can’t seem to get his getaway car started, to the mastermind whose plans are as convoluted as a recipe for soufflé, each character is a delightful caricature that could only thrive in the realm of fiction. You’ll laugh, you’ll sigh, and at times, you may even wonder if you’re sharing a brain cell with them.

And what of the prose itself? It’s a delightful mélange of witty observations and groan-worthy puns that would make even the most seasoned pun aficionado cringe. Short’s writing is a testament to an era when verbosity was seen as a virtue, and every scene seems to take a leisurely stroll rather than a brisk jog. You might find yourself in a situation where you have to pause for breath halfway through a paragraph, wondering if it’s time to invest in some literary cardio.

If you seek a truly immersive experience, take note of the following revelations about “Crime Inc” that only someone brave enough to thumb through its pages will discover:

• The sheer audacity of mixing criminal antics with culinary metaphors—who knew a heist could be so appetising?
• Obsessive footnotes that detail the history of crime in the UK, because who doesn’t want to read about Victorian burglars alongside a farcical modern caper?
• Characters who inexplicably develop accents from nowhere mid-conversation, leaving readers in a state of bafflement.
• A plot twist that’s less ‘shocking revelation’ and more ‘did they really just do that?’
• Unexplained references to obscure 80s pop culture that may require a PhD in nostalgia to decipher.

Condition: This copy has been read, loved, and possibly used as a prop in a poorly executed theatre production about crime. There are dog-eared pages that suggest a previous owner felt particularly moved by the shenanigans contained within, and a few coffee stains may add to the character of this already eccentric tome. The spine is a tad creaky, but it’s a fine companion for leisurely moments of reflection, perhaps over a cup of tea—or a pint, depending on your preferred illicit beverage.

Whether you’re a fan of cheeky capers or just on the lookout for a book that embodies the quirky spirit of 1980s fiction, “Crime Inc” has something for you. Available for sale at Crappy Old Books, this novel is a testament to the wonderfully wacky world of literary misfits. Grab it before it, too, becomes a relic of a time when crime was a laughing matter—at least in the right circles.

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